12 days of not talking.
ah well..
Guess you dont feel a thing at all.

Life goes on......

And so the air-con is installed today :)
2k down. omg. but cold cold days coming up!!!
Poor mommy.. busy from morning till now >.<
Bro and i bought her fav nuts for her hahahhaha.

_______________

Sissy is thinking of applying HDB with her bf, aka future bro-in-law.
WTF.
Im suddenly so pressurized and suffocated and i feel so SHI BAI.
I DONT KNOW WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay fine, i do know why.
cos she is freaking gonna apply flat = get married = settle down whereas ME?
bf-less and fat and NO ONE WANTS :(
OMGOMGOMG. I need express slim down program!!!!!!!!

TOMORROW GO JOG! ONZ!!!!

I need a haircut!!

To the MCR gang

Dear all,

I love you guys. Really. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU.
Maggie
Pauline
Xin Ru
Caryn
Melissa
Chie Ling
Elaine
Cai Ling

And I have thought long and hard before I decided to write this here today cos I know some of you do read my blog.

The thing is.. (most of) you got to stop making fun of me before I get really pissed.
You may think I am making a mountain out of molehill... that you are just "teasing".. but everything has its limits.

I, have my limits, and I, am reaching my limits real soon.

I do understand that sometimes it is really funny lar. Like i do stupid things and all...
I just hope, u all will stop making fun of my size.
Because, it is not helping me. AT ALL.

You know, my sec sch friends also make fun of my size and my weight too. but i never, ever get mad at them.
Because, they know how to 适可而止.

Whereas, I am sorry to say this.. (most of) you guys don't.. Especially that saturday when you all totally slammed me in front of the new colleagues and Cleo.. I mean, within ourselves I still can 忍.. but i seriously feel it's quite bad of you all to do this in front of others.

You may say Elaine and Melissa are treated same way as well.. but think lar. Is it really same?
You may say that it is fun to poke at me and I'm wad xie xin that makes you all laugh and it's my honour, but hey, it's ME you are making fun of, not you. Of cos you will think it's funny and fun and HAHAHHAHA PH IS SO FAT.

I am not angry.. just tired of laughing along when I feel hurt inside.
Sometimes I will think, "why go to gatherings.. in the end you all will just make jokes out of my size and laugh and be happy.. but I am not happy at all."

Elaine, you should know what I mean right. Cos you did feel the same way as well.

I hope none of you will get offended by this entry.
If you do, then I guess you can't accept my point of view and my feelings.


p.s: pls do not say things like "DEN GO JIAN FEI SO WE WUN SAY U ANYMORE LAR!". if you do, then you are really missing the point of this entry.

Thanks.

Letters to Juliet - Spoiler

The following is the letter that Sophie wrote to Claire - which made me cry.

"'What' and ‘if’ two words as nonthreatening
as words come. But put
them together side-by-side and they
have the power to haunt you for the
rest of your life: ‘What if?'..."

"I don't know how your story ended.
But I know that if what you felt
then was love - true love - then
it's never too late. If it was true
then it why wouldn't it be true
now? You need only the courage to
follow your heart..."

"I don't know what a love like that
feels like... a love to leave loved
ones for, a love to cross oceans
for... but I'd like to believe if I
ever felt it. I'd have the courage
to seize it. I hope you had the
courage to seize it, Claire. And if
you didn't, I hope one day that you
will."


Hmm.. what if?

I really need to control my temper.
Especially in front of the dog.
control, pH.

The author knows me so well

"My relationship with my body is like that of an egomaniac with a self-esteem problem. Mostly I think about myself and how much I suck. There are rare moments when I walk around for hours and think I look amazing. Either I feel great about myself or...."

".... Then I catch a side view of myself in a store window or a department store mirror and I'm plunged into despair."

- Palmer, Liza. From "Conversations with the fat girl".

The above book rocks. The thoughts of the girl mirrored mine in so many ways. But it also made me sad that those are my thoughts, you know?
Change change change.. been saying that since 10 years ago. Maybe it's time I finally start to change.
I quote from an extremely famous writer (haha), Yongquan, Chen. "The start is always the hardest."

I should get past the hardest part, ya?

alright alright. I am being emo now. but im definitely not emo 24/7, if you get what I mean.
Time for bed. Tomorrow's monday again -.-

Oh well.
Our beliefs are too different.
You may think it's weird why i am acting this way.
But I AM thinking that it is weird and rude of you to act that way.
*shrugs*
Guess it is not meant to be.

Thank you

One year flew past just like that - AGAIN -.-
23yrs old is no joke yo. But I couldnt have survive the past one year without all of you.. and I wanna take this time to say THANKS :)

First on my list is of cos, parents.
We survived the family ordeal in nov, and became a stronger family after that. Thanks to both of you for all the help rendered in the past one year, including lending me $$ from your old age funds to pay for my school fees :) And giving us money when u tio 4D or toto, heh. Dear Ah bu, even though you nag 24/7, and i talk back all the time, you know I do love you alot, dont you? As for papa, you rocksssss. I know u dote on us alot alot <3 and i love u alot more for that. THANKS for offering to lend me $$ to my yr end tw trip though you dont have alot of $$ yourself (: Appreciate it loads and am very very touched *sniff*. And thanks for all the talks and advices you've both given me. LOVE YOU BOTH MUCH MUCH! xoxo

2) Siblings.
Okay the two of you have grown up (some) in the past year, and we (sissy and I) have quarreled lesser in the past year xD. Am very proud of my lil bro for doing so well in school and being so matured about so many things (: and for lil sissy for being so happy and well - though I still dont understand WHY SHE LOVES JAEJEONG SO MUCH. he is so plastic argh pukes. I am v.proud to call both of you my siblings. and may we have lesser quarrels and more happiness!

3) kY.
Thanks, bestie, for taking time out of your busy schedule for me :) and listening to my complaints and problems and rubbish. And understanding the plight I was in and looking at things from my point of view and agreeing on some of the things that I said - even though we both know what I did was WRONG =p <3 u much much!

4) yQ.
YOU, are a true gem. I'm sure many have told you that, but you really are. Thanks SOOOOO much for all the time you were there for me to complain and talk to. Thanks for being just there to listen and commenting at the right time. Thanks for being so upfront and direct with your comments. and thanks thanks thanks for listening to me go on and on and on and on about a certain someone(s). heh.

5) Viv.
Thanks for being SOOO.. YOU all these years. and being there when i need someone to talk to. Thanks for all the sacrifices you make for me despite your daxiaojie character =Pp and I REALLY wanna thank you for the bday card you made for my 21st bday. everytime i see it i cant help but wonder if you REALLY made it. it's so unlike you to mk that!!!! DAMN TOUCHED CANS. HAHAHHAHA. <3 you bestie.

6) Resa & Yw.
YOU TWO ROCKSSS. Thanks for all the fun and laughter we had during outings. and resa, thanks for brightening my life with your *erhmms* profanities and job woes - i am happier knowing that WE ARE ALL SUFFERING TOGETHER SOB. HAHHAHAHA. Yw, you will join us too, I hope =P

7) Jason & RL.
Thanks BRoTHERS for all the fun and laughter during "guys nights out". And for being SO gossipy when i have something to share xD OH AND FOR asking me to slim down (though I havent done anything to slim down YET. hahahha). More guy outings yeah?

8) Kit.
YOU are a real gem tooooo! Thanks, my ex-lesbian for being there all the time whenever I need you to =) Thanks for all the advices and sharing my craps and nonsense and laughter and sadness. I LUB YOU!!!!

9) Jies, Tiff, Nat
THANKS to the 3 of you for always being there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jies, now that you are back, we can meet up often and i can complain more stuffs to you le!! and tiff and nat.. come back soon k =( loads of things to catch up and I dont know how to type in emails haahha... tiff i know i still owe u a story!! Miss u two loads <333.

10) Cheryl (and dan =p)
THANKS DAN FOR INTRODUCING such a lovely, sweet (ok la not so sweet hehe), cute, wonderful girl into my life <3. No, I am not marrying her cos i am not les. hahaha. ONG QI WEI LETS GO OUT SOON YEAH? and dan pls go out with us aft u are back. been ages since we catch up!!!!

11) Jessy mama
THANKS for being such a good schmate and MAMA :D YOU ROCKSSSSS. Thanks for all the time u put me up at your house while we chiong-ed projs. AND for helping me with my assignments (ie. FA DB hehe). THANKS MAMA!!!!!!!!!! <3333

12) Xin Ru
You, are one tiny girl with a HUGEEEEE heart. and i hearts you lots for it. Thanks for covering my shitsssss all these while - throughout nov exam period and the recent exam period. AND AND AND for your help all these while. AND for being there for me for non-work stuffs. I know what you said about the emails and the FOOD are for my own good. (: LUBS U LOTS LOTS!!!!!

13) Maggie,Esther,Bee Lian,Serene,Cai Zhu,Cai Ling,Ai Nee,Jeffriene,Xavier,Jeff- the lunch gang
Thanks for being there all these while and listening to my "stories" and complaints heh. I love to complain HOR? Thanks for brightening up my work life. without you guys is dull dull dull yo. and THANKS FOR THE LAUGHTER :D

14) Ex-MCRcolleagues
Thanks for all the help given too!!! esp caryn!!!!! SEE U ALL AT CHALET!!!

15) YLKK
Though we dont know each other for a long time, thanks for being such a great elder bro =) YOU ARE A GREAT EXAMPLE of how it is like to have a "kor kor". HAHA THANKS! AND I look forward to your apple pie treat yo! and and and the HELP IN ECONS!! HAHHAHAHHA.

16) Senior LD
YOU ROCK. seriously. u never fail to amaze me with ur drum playing, keyboard playing and guitar playing. and thanks for going to play ai qing de mo yang as my bday present :D CANT WAIT TO HEAR IT YO!!!!!! Thanks for introducing mayday to me :) Loves :D katong for lunch/dinner SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

17) Ys.
Thanks for letting me learn such an important lesson (:


18) Last but not least, CK..
I LUB YOU! HAHAHHAHAHA. Thanks for brightening up my life by making an appearance @ the bus stop. heh. and your jokes and chats. Most of the time I just wanna murder you but there are little moments when I am happy chatting with you. THANK YOUUU! See ya at the bus stop tomorrow (:

wa rao still got ppl i wanna thank.. but lao niang is LAO LE. need to sleep now.. continue another time ba.. BYE PPL HAPPY EARLY BDAY TO ME!!!

If I can have one wish for my birthday, I wish to know what u're thinking.

Recently, something triggered me to think of who will be present at my funeral.
haha. funerals. a topic that most people, especially those in the older generation, will want to avoid.
But the people present are those that walked with you till the very end. That is, if you die of age lar.

Family. is a must.
preferably with grandkids ya. hahhaha. or if I have a good life - great grandkids =P
and friends.

But.. which friends?
I can name a few offhand now - those whom I really considered as close friends.
But that is now. who knows what will happen in the next 50 yrs?
I might lose contact with them, though it's kinda scary to think of the possibility now.
Imagine your current bestiest friend - alive and doesnt even know that you've passed away.

THAT seems tragic.
But possible.
*shudders*

Think [Sex and the City]. Carrie, Samantha (fav! <3), Miranda and Charlotte might be super "gum" now, but can one safely say that their friendships will not fall out in the next, say, 20 yrs? that they will be friends FOREVER?

Forever is hard work.
Especially when you are at different locations and have totally different lives, schedules and commitments.
Yet it's not impossible. We just have to maintain and treasure the friendships that we have with each and every of our friend. yeaaa. jia you.



Which of the friends you have now can really walk to the end of life with you?


p.s: abv is smth bo liao that I thought of while digging my nose. pardon me if it sounds bo liao heh heh.